It’s a…

I've never loved a rib cage before, but dammit, I saw the cutest rib cage on an ultrasound today and it belongs to our baby. I cry easily. I cry when I'm sad, of course, but I also cry when I'm angry or when Publix makes a particularly poignant Christmas commercial. It's sort of my... Continue Reading →

Garden update

It's been a strange garden year. Like a lot of you, we had a heat wave in late May that blasted the plants and slowed some growth. Struggles The tomatoes took the hardest hit. They're still growing, but I've yet to have one get red on the vine. They were growing to full size and... Continue Reading →

Book club!

This isn't really a book club, but I thought I'd share a few things I've enjoyed reading lately and what I'm currently reading. Are you reading anything good? Let me know in the comments – or in person next time I see you! Recent reads: Set not too far from here – near Cashiers, NC,... Continue Reading →

I keep trying to sit down to write an update on this experience, but it's hard to know how to write about it without sounding terribly sad. That's been my excuse for not writing, but not writing isn't helping me to feel any better and even if no one on earth sees this but me,... Continue Reading →

April 11

April 11. Four years ago today, Russ tied a dozen or so notes we'd written each other and strings of lights to the trees by the creek at my mom and dad's farm and got down on one knee and asked me, in the sweetest way, to marry him. As obnoxious as it sounds, I'd... Continue Reading →

garden 2019

I have trouble nailing down my true earliest memory. I know there are people who can easily recite them, but I’m not sure I know exactly which memories came first. I remember standing on my tip toes next to a table that was moved out onto Mamaw and Papaw’s driveway with my mouth open wide... Continue Reading →

To you

This one is to you – you who sent us flowers and gifts right after our procedures last summer you who've made us warm meals on down days you who brought over pizza and beer when we just needed time with friends you who mailed us books about coping after miscarriage you who didn't ask... Continue Reading →

To 2019

I don't have much positive to say about 2018, but my hope is that in the years ahead, we'll look back and see the lessons we learned and they'll be valuable. One lesson I'm already learning is how important it is to take care of yourself. I'm not sure I fully understood self-care as a... Continue Reading →

We tried again and it didn’t work

When we bought our house, it came with a swing set. We didn't expect the previous owners to leave it, but I found it kind of charming when I got to the house on closing day. We were, after all, already trying to start a family. I could picture our kids swinging and sliding a... Continue Reading →

Next steps

When we decided to be open about our fertility issues and share our story publicly, we did it for several reasons and we gave it a lot of consideration before pulling the trigger on that first post. I am incredibly glad we did decide to share, for a number of reasons, but mostly because we... Continue Reading →

What’s next?

I've had a lot of people checking in and asking what's next in this whole trying to have a baby process. Thank you, by the way, to everyone who's sent messages, mail, cards, care packages, texts, phone calls -- we truly feel so loved and supported. So here's what's up. Fertility doctors don't like to... Continue Reading →

A week later

Last week when I said I was in the depths of darkness, I wasn’t being dramatic. I didn’t see a way out of what I was feeling. I wanted to burn my life to the ground and disappear. One of the things that scared me the most over the past several weeks was my mental... Continue Reading →

We’ll always love our first baby.

Since the beginning of this process, I've committed to sharing the ups and downs right here. This is raw, real and may be tough to read. There are two other drafts of blog posts I wish I was sharing with you. One about the day we found out I was pregnant. One of a miscarriage... Continue Reading →

Real men

I recently saw a Facebook post that got me all kinds of riled up. It shouldn't have, because... well, it's Facebook, but it did and I'm going to blame the meds and my emotionally charged state. The post initially was about someone being annoyed when they see a woman pumping her gas while a man... Continue Reading →

Hormones, people. Ugh.

When I started the medications for the retrieval part of the IVF process my brother joked that I was going to be a bit of an emotional challenge. It's not an off-the-wall prediction to say that pumping extra hormones into your body might make your brain react in weird ways. I actually braced myself for... Continue Reading →

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