It’s Bob Dole’s 91st birthday. I don’t know a whole lot about Bob Dole. Here’s what I do know: in 1996 Wake County let students participate in Kids Vote. We went to the polls with our parents and cast real ballots. I was 8. My parents hadn’t talked to me much about politics. I knew my best friend’s parents liked Bill Clinton, but when I got in that voting booth (the old fashioned kind with curtains), I saw something more important. I saw a guy whose last name was the same as the name on my bananas. Bob Dole got my eight year old vote.
Every time Bob Dole comes up in the news, at this point it’s usually just on his birthday, I think about this and laugh. There are many good reasons kids shouldn’t actually get to vote.
Here are some others I’ve thought of:
-Between the ages of 10 and 14 I used real money to purchase FOUR Britney Spears albums.
-When I was 5 I asked my mom to make me hammer pants. She did. I wore them. In public.
-From ages 6 to 8 I let my brothers play a game with me called sumo wrestling. It’s where everyone stuffs pillows in their shirts and shorts. We all run at each other until someone falls down. Guess who always falls down: the little sister. Guess who never helps her up because they’re laughing too hard: the older brothers.
-Once in college I saw a facebook group titled “I used to roll up the seatbelt in the back of my moms car and chew on it” and my immediate reaction was “OH MY GOD I REMEMBER DOING THAT WHEN I WAS LITTLE”
-My brothers easily convinced me that Muggsy Bogues signed the butt of my cabbage patch dolls. (Read that story here)
-I regularly saved my allowance so I could bike to the toy store near my house to buy beanie babies because one day they’d one day be worth millions.
-I don’t remember ever questioning my school D.A.R.E. officer’s totally incorrect pronunciation of : Mari-Joo-Wana.
-I once fell through a frozen pond because I was “ice skating” over spots my brother had already cracked with a giant stick.
Maybe this is all just me. Maybe you were a child genius. Maybe you would never have fallen for any of these things. Maybe you actually should have been allowed to vote, but come on… didn’t you buy at least one Britney album as a kid?