April 11

April 11. Four years ago today, Russ tied a dozen or so notes we’d written each other and strings of lights to the trees by the creek at my mom and dad’s farm and got down on one knee and asked me, in the sweetest way, to marry him. As obnoxious as it sounds, I’dContinue reading “April 11”

To 2019

I don’t have much positive to say about 2018, but my hope is that in the years ahead, we’ll look back and see the lessons we learned and they’ll be valuable. One lesson I’m already learning is how important it is to take care of yourself. I’m not sure I fully understood self-care as aContinue reading “To 2019”

We tried again and it didn’t work

When we bought our house, it came with a swing set. We didn’t expect the previous owners to leave it, but I found it kind of charming when I got to the house on closing day. We were, after all, already trying to start a family. I could picture our kids swinging and sliding aContinue reading “We tried again and it didn’t work”

We’ll always love our first baby.

Since the beginning of this process, I’ve committed to sharing the ups and downs right here. This is raw, real and may be tough to read. There are two other drafts of blog posts I wish I was sharing with you. One about the day we found out I was pregnant. One of a miscarriageContinue reading “We’ll always love our first baby.”

Real men

I recently saw a Facebook post that got me all kinds of riled up. It shouldn’t have, because… well, it’s Facebook, but it did and I’m going to blame the meds and my emotionally charged state. The post initially was about someone being annoyed when they see a woman pumping her gas while a manContinue reading “Real men”

Hormones, people. Ugh.

When I started the medications for the retrieval part of the IVF process my brother joked that I was going to be a bit of an emotional challenge. It’s not an off-the-wall prediction to say that pumping extra hormones into your body might make your brain react in weird ways. I actually braced myself forContinue reading “Hormones, people. Ugh.”

I just found this in a drawer

I just found this in a drawer. I’d forgotten i bought it. Last July we briefly thought I was pregnant, thanks to either a faulty test or a chemical pregnancy. That week I went out and bought this book for our future son or daughter. I still can’t wait to introduce our kids to myContinue reading “I just found this in a drawer”

Results (so far)

I can’t even tell you how many 400 meter hurdle races I’ve run in my life, but there’s a very distinct pattern to the emotion of my favorite race. Like every track event it starts with the adrenaline at the starting line, a burst of energy or even a chill as you place your feetContinue reading “Results (so far)”

details

This is a look at my meds through phase one of the process. One shot and three pills in the mornings. Two shots and one pill at night. The box full of meds still waiting for after the egg retrieval is daunting, but I’ll face that when it gets here. The morning shot is theContinue reading “details”

Update

A few years ago when Russ and I were newly engaged we spent Record Store Day in late April going from store to store in Greenville picking up records. I couldn’t tell you how many we bought that day, but there was a stack of three or four we were given for free. They wereContinue reading “Update”

I can do this!

  I did it. I survived my first night of giving myself shots and I didn’t even panic. I felt fine about it all day and there was a brief moment right before when I had to pause and just say aloud “this seemed less terrifying before I actually had to do it.” Then, dressedContinue reading “I can do this!”

Fertility stuff: Update 3

Russ and I are both that type of big baby grown-ups who can’t handle needles. Do we have tattoos? No. Is it because we don’t think they’re cool? Nah. It’s because I’m the kind of person who feels queasy at the idea of a needle touching skin and Russ is the kind of person whoseContinue reading “Fertility stuff: Update 3”