April 11

April 11. Four years ago today, Russ tied a dozen or so notes we’d written each other and strings of lights to the trees by the creek at my mom and dad’s farm and got down on one knee and asked me, in the sweetest way, to marry him. As obnoxious as it sounds, I’dContinue reading “April 11”

We tried again and it didn’t work

When we bought our house, it came with a swing set. We didn’t expect the previous owners to leave it, but I found it kind of charming when I got to the house on closing day. We were, after all, already trying to start a family. I could picture our kids swinging and sliding aContinue reading “We tried again and it didn’t work”

We’ll always love our first baby.

Since the beginning of this process, I’ve committed to sharing the ups and downs right here. This is raw, real and may be tough to read. There are two other drafts of blog posts I wish I was sharing with you. One about the day we found out I was pregnant. One of a miscarriageContinue reading “We’ll always love our first baby.”

Real men

I recently saw a Facebook post that got me all kinds of riled up. It shouldn’t have, because… well, it’s Facebook, but it did and I’m going to blame the meds and my emotionally charged state. The post initially was about someone being annoyed when they see a woman pumping her gas while a manContinue reading “Real men”

Hormones, people. Ugh.

When I started the medications for the retrieval part of the IVF process my brother joked that I was going to be a bit of an emotional challenge. It’s not an off-the-wall prediction to say that pumping extra hormones into your body might make your brain react in weird ways. I actually braced myself forContinue reading “Hormones, people. Ugh.”

I just found this in a drawer

I just found this in a drawer. I’d forgotten i bought it. Last July we briefly thought I was pregnant, thanks to either a faulty test or a chemical pregnancy. That week I went out and bought this book for our future son or daughter. I still can’t wait to introduce our kids to myContinue reading “I just found this in a drawer”

Results (so far)

I can’t even tell you how many 400 meter hurdle races I’ve run in my life, but there’s a very distinct pattern to the emotion of my favorite race. Like every track event it starts with the adrenaline at the starting line, a burst of energy or even a chill as you place your feetContinue reading “Results (so far)”

details

This is a look at my meds through phase one of the process. One shot and three pills in the mornings. Two shots and one pill at night. The box full of meds still waiting for after the egg retrieval is daunting, but I’ll face that when it gets here. The morning shot is theContinue reading “details”

Update

A few years ago when Russ and I were newly engaged we spent Record Store Day in late April going from store to store in Greenville picking up records. I couldn’t tell you how many we bought that day, but there was a stack of three or four we were given for free. They wereContinue reading “Update”

I can do this!

  I did it. I survived my first night of giving myself shots and I didn’t even panic. I felt fine about it all day and there was a brief moment right before when I had to pause and just say aloud “this seemed less terrifying before I actually had to do it.” Then, dressedContinue reading “I can do this!”

Fertility stuff: Update 3

Russ and I are both that type of big baby grown-ups who can’t handle needles. Do we have tattoos? No. Is it because we don’t think they’re cool? Nah. It’s because I’m the kind of person who feels queasy at the idea of a needle touching skin and Russ is the kind of person whoseContinue reading “Fertility stuff: Update 3”

Update 2

I swear we haven’t forgotten to update, we’re just in a waiting period. That said, I couldn’t let Infertility Awareness week pass without saying something. So here’s what’s going on — The timeline has changed since the last time I wrote. We were originally expecting Russ to have surgery in late May and thought allContinue reading “Update 2”

Fertility stuff: Update 1

If this seems like it’s out of left field, you might’ve missed my last post. This is an update. We had an appointment today to get the process started and we both left smiling. Seriously! After having a few weeks to process what is ahead and realizing that we are emotionally equipped to handle it,Continue reading “Fertility stuff: Update 1”

So here’s the thing

Take a deep breath and ask yourself if you’re cool with reading something very personal before you read this. This is going to get kind of science-y — think body parts, reproduction and things you probably should’ve been taught in health class. Some people may read it and think “I would never put my businessContinue reading “So here’s the thing”