April 11

April 11. Four years ago today, Russ tied a dozen or so notes we’d written each other and strings of lights to the trees by the creek at my mom and dad’s farm and got down on one knee and asked me, in the sweetest way, to marry him. As obnoxious as it sounds, I’dContinue reading “April 11”

Hormones, people. Ugh.

When I started the medications for the retrieval part of the IVF process my brother joked that I was going to be a bit of an emotional challenge. It’s not an off-the-wall prediction to say that pumping extra hormones into your body might make your brain react in weird ways. I actually braced myself forContinue reading “Hormones, people. Ugh.”

Results (so far)

I can’t even tell you how many 400 meter hurdle races I’ve run in my life, but there’s a very distinct pattern to the emotion of my favorite race. Like every track event it starts with the adrenaline at the starting line, a burst of energy or even a chill as you place your feetContinue reading “Results (so far)”

details

This is a look at my meds through phase one of the process. One shot and three pills in the mornings. Two shots and one pill at night. The box full of meds still waiting for after the egg retrieval is daunting, but I’ll face that when it gets here. The morning shot is theContinue reading “details”

I can do this!

  I did it. I survived my first night of giving myself shots and I didn’t even panic. I felt fine about it all day and there was a brief moment right before when I had to pause and just say aloud “this seemed less terrifying before I actually had to do it.” Then, dressedContinue reading “I can do this!”

Update 2

I swear we haven’t forgotten to update, we’re just in a waiting period. That said, I couldn’t let Infertility Awareness week pass without saying something. So here’s what’s going on — The timeline has changed since the last time I wrote. We were originally expecting Russ to have surgery in late May and thought allContinue reading “Update 2”

Fertility stuff: Update 1

If this seems like it’s out of left field, you might’ve missed my last post. This is an update. We had an appointment today to get the process started and we both left smiling. Seriously! After having a few weeks to process what is ahead and realizing that we are emotionally equipped to handle it,Continue reading “Fertility stuff: Update 1”

So here’s the thing

Take a deep breath and ask yourself if you’re cool with reading something very personal before you read this. This is going to get kind of science-y — think body parts, reproduction and things you probably should’ve been taught in health class. Some people may read it and think “I would never put my businessContinue reading “So here’s the thing”

The sky on wedding night

(Photo credit: Complete Weddings)   Sometime between sundown and the final song at our wedding reception I looked out of the barn doors and saw my friend Maddie staring straight up at the sky. Maddie’s not a person whose shadow you’d mistake for another. She has a distinct way of carrying herself. Her long limbsContinue reading “The sky on wedding night”

One month

Today is my parents’ 36th anniversary. They’ve postponed anniversary celebrations until after our wedding because they’re working their butts off to get the farm ready for ours. This is not a fact I take lightly. I’m certain there’ve been more times than not in my life when my parents have put much more effort intoContinue reading “One month”

Just a technicality

So I did this little thing that, lord knows, Elizabeth Wren Sanders at many different ages probably thought would never happen. I said yes to loving someone forever. These are funny things, proposals. If done correctly then you already know you’re in it forever and saying yes is just a technicality. Regardless, what a thrill.Continue reading “Just a technicality”

Still finding goldfish.

It’s me and you, sitting on top of my car, legs dangling through the sunroof. You’ll ask me if we’re going to dent the roof. I’ll say no. I’ll find out later I was wrong, but really, you can barely tell. We’re tossing goldfish crackers in the air and trying to catch them on ourContinue reading “Still finding goldfish.”

I’m no expert on love

I remember the phone ringing pretty early in the morning on Valentine’s day 1995. It was the only phone line in the house. I wasn’t expecting a call, seven year olds rarely do… particularly when they’re the youngest person in a household of five. The phone hung on the wall in the kitchen and hadContinue reading “I’m no expert on love”